2014 is over. I still can’t believe it. And when I look back at how far I’ve come this past year, I’m even more amazed. This time last year, I was in the midst of a depression that took me whole, it swallowed me up and didn’t allow me to enjoy life. It took every part of me to get out of bed and go to work. I didn’t socialize with friends and had minimal interaction with my family. I had no idea what I wanted out of life and honestly saw no point in living. I was never suicidal; I just didn’t want to live any more. But 2014 brought a lot of changes to my life. I got saved on February 19, 2014, 5 days after my 19th birthday and my life started to come together. I started going to church and a Bible study group every week with a group of amazing ladies. I learned how to love myself. I learned how to forgive. I started this blog as a way to put all my thoughts together, I thought it would be a good way to heal and move on but this is so much more than that.
I have found my reason to live. My calling. My gift. What I was meant to do. And I can’t help but think that God put me in all those situations so I could sit here and tell you that it gets better. I am proof that it gets better. And I know that it’s hard to believe. I used to laugh and roll my eyes when people told me it would get better because I thought they had no idea what they were talking about. But darling look at the words I write just so you can read. This is all for you. There aren’t always going to be good days. You are going to have some flat out terrible days. There are going to be days when all you want to do is cry but then there will be days where you laugh. And there are going to be days when you’re a social butterfly and days when you won’t want to talk to anyone. And that’s okay.
Just because it gets better doesn’t mean that everything will always be amazing. But it’s okay. It’s okay as long as you wake up, every single day, and look in the mirror and tell yourself “I don’t care what the world throws at me today. I will try my hardest and do the best I can with what’s given to me. I don’t care how bad today is because I will try to put something good out there. Tell yourself that 5 times, 20 times, 100 times, however long it takes you to believe it. Let those words light a fire in your soul and then you walk outside and show this world what you’re made of.
This all brings me to the point of this post. New Year’s Resolutions. We’ve all made them and at some point, broken them. And then there are the people who refuse to even entertain the idea of making a resolution because they won’t stick to them or don’t believe in the whole New Year, New You thing. I agree to disagree. Yes, you don’t need a new year to decide to be a better person. You can wake up and decide that anytime. And then there’s the whole broken resolution thing. If you want something bad enough, you’ll have the willpower, the strength, the faith to go out there and get it. See, I can tell that I’m a different person today than I was at the end of 2013 but I know that I have a ways to go to get to where I want to be and I’m human enough to admit that. I decided that instead of just making a list of resolutions that I’d probably shove in my desk or purse and forget about it, I’d post it. On my blog. For the world to see. New Year, New Me right? Here we go.
1. Run every day
Okay this isn’t going to be me going on some crazy health kick but I started running over the summer again and really enjoyed it. It was relaxing and got rid of some extra energy I had. But then fall came and I let the excuses build up and I stopped. But I don’t have time for excuses anymore. I want to run at least a mile a day.
2. Drink more water
Something else I tried over the summer was drinking lots of water. At one point I was drinking 120 ounces a day and I could really see the benefits. I felt better & my skin was clearer. I want to try and get back to that point. Good thing I have an abundance of water bottles.
3. Don’t pay attention to negative people
I have a bad habit of listening to people and I let their opinions of my life consume my mind. I spend too much time worrying about what other people think. I think well will they like this post? Will they like what I have to say? The first few months after I started my blog, I didn’t tell a soul. About 3 months ago, I took the plunge and shared one of my posts on Facebook and almost everyone loved it. It’s now common for people at church or people I barely know to tell me they love my blog. My point is, there are always going to be people who don’t like what you do. They aren’t going to like what you say or how you act or what you wear, no matter how many times you try to convince them to believe in you. Just because the people who are close to you should believe in you, doesn’t mean they will. But the positive comments and reactions I get far outweigh those few negative comments and that is something I’m starting to realize and believe and it’s something I want to continue to remind myself throughout the years to come.
4. Stop picking my nails.
This may seem silly to some people but whenever I’m nervous or upset or stressed about something, I have a really bad habit of ripping my nails off. It’s gotten worse this past year because I can’t wear nail polish at work so I rarely have my nails done. I used to polish them to try and limit this habit and it worked for a while. I’m going to do my best to kick this bad habit this year.
5. Travel More.
I’m not going to sit here and write all the places I want to go to, that’s a whole notha post but rather, I literally just want to see more than what this small town has. Within the next few months, I’ll move away from home, to a different state with the opportunity to travel abroad and I WILL take advantage of every single chance I have to go to different countries. I’ve said it before but life is not meant to be lived in the same place doing the same thing with the same people. I want to have friends all over the world and I want to have my passport filled with different countries and I want to have memories that you could only ever read in books or see in movies.
6. Blog More!
I’m not going to sit here and tell you how many days a month I’ll update because I don’t know. I am a perfectionist and I won’t ever blog for the sake of blogging. I’ll only ever write something I truly believe in and I’m not going to put something that’s not fully done or up to par just because I haven’t updated. Quality over quantity. I will update a few times a month and continue with my weekly Trail Mix.
That’s it for my resolutions. Short and sweet. Leave me your thoughts below and what your resolutions are, if you have any.
Happy New Year!!